{ DATING ADVICE }: Kissing & Telling with Nic Mora just in time for Valentine’s

Happy early Valentine’s day loves!

So a quick apologies, after I make a huge post saying how active I am on Snapchat, and all this – I got extremely sick and have been bedridden all week. Figured I’d spare you guys the most part of it. I am finally starting to feel better, just in time for Valentine’s Day!

As a fun little Valentine’s treat, I am sitting down with powerbabe Nic Mora for some fun girl talk about dating advice & as I was composing this post, I decided to chime in!

I am creeping 30 and in a serious relationship currently living in San Francisco. However, prior to finding said knight in shining armour, I have wasted a lot of time on doofuses in tin foil. It happens. My answers are all in pink with my initials.

Nic of Give Me Mora { under revamp but will launch next month! } is in her mid twenties & contrary to popular belief from her friends, her dating life is not a reality show! Soooo I decided to bring her online for some e-champagne and have her spill as she is dating & exploring in Los Angeles. Her answers are in black with her initials.

Figured it would be fun to get both POV’s & I thought it was neat because you can really see both of our personalities in our answers!

Now without further ado…

Meet Nic Mora… again!

{ Nic Mora kisses & tells // Champagne at Shannons }

…And allow me to re-introduce myself:

{ shannon silver kisses and tells // champagne at shannons }

Now, let’s chat, shall we?

Shannon Silver & Nic Mora….

…On dating in your mid-twenties:

{ NM }: Now that I’m officially mid-twenties (25!!), dating is so different than it was when I was in college or even shortly after! I’m definitely in no rush to be married, but I also am looking for a little more consistency and security now.

Dating is hard as you get older because there can sometimes be this pressure of having to date with the intentions of eventually getting married. For me personally right now, I’m trying to go with things, be open, have fun, and see what does or doesn’t work out. I’ve dated a lot and it’s really become a love/hate relationship, haha! My friends and I joke that for every 5-10 disaster dates (I could probably write a book on how many times I’ve almost walked out), I always get one really amazing see-it-in-the-movies type date. Keeps things exciting, I guess!

{ SLS }: As I approach 30, I honestly look back on this often as I reflect on this wild decade of my life. I don’t have regrets, per se, but the majority of my time was wasted. I dated, yes… if you can even call it that… but would consider 96.5% of it all a gigantic waste of my time. I should of focused on myself, my career development, and my needs. The other 2.5% are there because they were instrumental to my development, and the 1% is simply that, my one percent.

Have fun while dating in your twenties, but it’s also such a developmental time of your life, be sure you are taking care of yourself, and you never know who you meet that will change your life the second you meet… In good or bad ways. So be sure to know yourself and stay strong to that person.

…On casual dating:

{ NM }: Casual dating can be really fun and, for the most part, I enjoy going with the flow. There is a way to be casual and consistent (i.e seeing each other once a week) to see where things go, but my phone number is not the 1-800-Hotline-Bling either so if those are someone’s sole intentions of being “casual” then they’ve dialed the wrong girl.

The problem with casual dating is that once one person starts to catch feelings – and someone always does – it can leave you wondering if your situation is going to evolve into something more.Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve been on both sides, and I’m well aware that I am sometimes a little too sensitive and/or possessive to be okay with someone I like dating other people – it’s the Taurus in me!

{ SLS: } I mean, it just depends on what both parties want. Casual dating can lead up to something great, sure. Myself, I prefer full commitment or to ride solo.

Now if you’re looking to just have fun, zero strings attached, that is totally cool and get it girl / guy – but it is extremely important that BOTH parties are not only on the same page, but on the same exact letter on the same exact word on the same exact paragraph on that page. Do not send mixed signals.

Be wary of people who verbally say they are NOT in a relationship with said person, but the actions are showing the opposite, or getting jealous when others are in the picture. Either commit or go casual but you cannot do both… Or fine go ahead, and do it, but it won’t end well and BOTH parties will end up hurt. If you know what you want and what you need, stay true to it, or else two people will end up hurt.

Remember, though words speak loudly, actions speak much louder. Know exactly what you are looking for before you get into dating.

{ Nic Mora kisses & tells // Champagne at Shannons }

 

…Dating Apps – yay or nay?

{ NM }: I’m not a fan!

I’ve tried two just to see what the hype was all about and I wasn’t impressed. I’m also convinced that dating apps are what have killed the actual dating game.

We are so busy swiping right and left and wondering whose grass is greener that we sometimes fail to see what we have right in front of us. It’s now way too easy to get what you want. I rather someone stop me at a party and get my number – work for it a little!

{ SLS }: Honestly, I’m indifferent. It’s a different world we live in. Everything is on-demand & at our fingertips, especially living here in San Francisco. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with them, but I think it’s wonderful for those with busy schedules.

Just be sure if you do meet someone special, make sure you show your appreciation & bring in that human contact that the tech-apps can lack. And if you meet someone who rocks your world, erase the damn app & remember, the grass is greener where you water it, don’t compare it to other gardens, for all you know that grass might be fake. 🙂

…On playing games:

{ NM }: If I wanted to play games at 25 years old, I’d go back to high school and college where I was the queen of the game. I’m retired now but don’t test me! Be real with me and I’ll be real with you.

You can keep things super fun, exciting and playful without waiting 2 hours to text someone back just to keep them on their toes — if you have to do that, you’re not playing the game right, honey!

{ SLS }: Unless it’s chess, I have negative interest but most importantly, no time… Time is more important than money, always remember. Boy, bye.

{ shannon silver kisses and tells // champagne at shannons }

…On dating being a skill:

{ NM }: Dating is a total skill! The more you practice, the more you learn and see what to look out for.

Truth be told, if I didn’t interview for a living and wasn’t trained to observe people, I would probably not have seen a lot of red flags early on with people I’ve gone out with. Sometimes I chose to ignore the signs, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t see them!

I have friends that are out 5 nights a week dating 5 different guys and I’m like “that sounds exhausting!”, but they are so well versed in what they will and will not put up with, as well as knowing what they want. To each their own, obviously.

PS – I won’t lie, I was a bit of a serial dater when I was looking for a prom date, LOL! It really was tiring, so props to my friends that handle it!

{ SLS }: This is where I have to disagree. I don’t think dating is a skill or anything, and a “skilled dater” sounds like some womanizer dude-bro that I would want nothing to do with. I think going into it with an open mind, but as long as you have your life going on & are aware of your needs, then you will be fine!

At the end of the day, dating is supposed to be fun – not exhausting, not a competition, not a game – so no skills should be required! 

 

{ Nic Mora kisses & tells // Champagne at Shannons }

…On dating detoxes:

{ NM }: It’s funny, I actually have sworn off dating twice in my life and won’t be doing that again!

One time I went on a cleanse to detox myself from a toxic relationship when I was 21 – I literally was not allowed to entertain any guy for at least 100 days. Of course, every past fling of mine showed up for those 100 days! It was the best thing I ever did and I let it go on for 120 days. I was so used to getting attention all the time but it showed me that I didn’t need it.

You learn about who you are and what you bring to the table. Guys (or girls) will always hit you up, but whether they do or they don’t shouldn’t determine your worth or how great you are. YOU determine that.

{ SLS }: It depends what you are detoxing yourself for. If you aren’t dating because you simply are not ready or you are figuring out your wants & needs, good for you! Mad respect.

If you are aren’t dating because of the fear of getting hurt, really dig down and see what is causing that fear. You do not want to miss the chance with someone great because some loser hurt you – if you do that, then you will continue to let that loser hurt you!

…On being a ride-or-die:

{ NM }: I am such a ride or die. I think that’s something a lot of people don’t know about me: I’m loyal to a fault and I’m willing to ride with you through whatever.

The problem with being a ride or die is that sometimes you can end up riding for the wrong people. When you’re dating more than 1 person at a time (which is totally allowed if you’re not locked down), you can end up feeling guilty! Ugh, I have such a guilty conscious sometimes, but I’m working on it!

{ SLS }: Only be a ride or die, if your partner is a ride or die.

Be a ride or die for yourself and your needs and the right partner will be the Jay-Z to your Beyonce (or vice versa, or the Bey to your Bey, or Jay to your Jay)… That said, the right partner is a ride or die to his/her needs, as well. Together, you will be unstoppable.  

Let’s take it back 13 years ago – talk about foreshadowing 😉

{ shannon silver kisses and tells // champagne at shannons }

{ Nic Mora kisses & tells // Champagne at Shannons }

…On being in the industry and dating:

{ NM – Entertainment }: It’s really hard for me to bring people into my world in general, but especially someone I’m dating. There are a lot of moving parts to my job, attending work events and I have to be really comfortable to bring someone into that.

There’s a comfort in dating someone who already works in the business or knows it, since they understand why your schedule can be all over the place and they respect that. I prefer to not to date within the field, so it makes things a little more difficult to explain why things are the way they are and have them go along for the ride.

On the opposite end, I’ve dated guys who ONLY wanted to go out and come to the events with me. Major red flag. I keep myself open, but I also have my eyes open for red flags like that.

{ SLS – Hospitality }: Ah, this is an interesting one & I want to be careful to give advice rather than reflect on personal stories (unless that is what you want to read? but those would be short stories for another day and everyone would need a scotch in hand while they read).

I’ve always been in a demanding, 24/7 industry since I was a teenager. When I was in hospitality, I’d always joke it was like dating vampires, because the only time we all had was between 2:00 AM – 8:00 AM. That does sound shady, but it really was not,  just the only time possible, and many understood.

I was also young, going through my own darkness, my priorities were out of whack, and many were on the waste of time spectrum (and many of them were in weird places themselves but like attracts like)… Now, as I get older, I just would not have the energy levels for it. A lot of that was “easy come, easy go, easy go, easy come”, so that said, I never went out of my way to make the time for them.

I will say this though, I am busier than I’ve ever been, even busier than I was at 23, and I make all the time in the world for my partner. The best way to invest in the relationship, no matter what industry you are in, is with each others’ time.

…On balancing dating, personal relationships and work life:

{ NM }: It is NOT easy, but it’s doable. You have to draw lines and boundaries. And most of all, you have to plan ahead.

I live in my calendar! I’m annoying in that I schedule everything (including my gym workouts), but it gives me time to devote to my loved ones.

You have to water your relationships, you have to make time for them. Plain and simple. Your relationships matter more than your job at the end of the day.

Life is a balancing act and you have to learn how to make it work. If someone wants to see you (romantic or not), they’ll make time to or you’ll be very aware of how much they’re trying to make the time.

{ SLS }: This kind of echoes my above answer, but currently, my partner & I both are in demanding fields, but we work very well around it. We try to do dinner on Friday night somewhere – with reservations! – to keep things special. It’s a personal date I always look forward to. I think by carving out one thing to do semi-regularly will help balance when things get crazy. You also have to have full trust, and full disclosure on schedules / travel / late nights, etc.

I will NEVER get mad at my partner if he is on his blackberry at the table. E-mails come from all over the world at all over the time, so you have to be available. If I was to get mad at that, then I would be interfering with his work which is not okay. I would never want my partner to interfere with my career, so I will never, ever compete with him or his blackberry… and vice versa! I am on my work devices often, yes, but even moreso, I am also on the computer CONSTANTLY working on the blog, as well as my personal devices, and on some days, I am on my two phones, an iPad, and a computer all doing something different, and he respects that… but I am killing my multi-tasking habit 😉

{ shannon silver kisses and tells // champagne at shannons }

…On keeping your dating life private:

NM }: Personally, I believe a private life is a happy life.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become much more guarded, but it’s also exhausting to feel like things are a secret.

At this point, if someone sees me out with someone, they see me out. I don’t have the energy to worry about what everyone things, but I’m definitely careful with who I share what with; I don’t need 80 different opinions and I don’t want to air not just my business, but his if he’s not comfortable.

However, I do think it’s important to see and get to know the person your dating’s friends as well because the company you keep says a lot.

SLS }: Oh this is an interesting one, especially since I made the decision to blog, which means I made the bigger decision to put my life out there to the public. I keep a lot of things private – which makes this post kind of fun because it feels so risqué! – and whenever I focus my partner on a post, I usually have him read the posts before they go up to make sure he is comfortable with it…except this one lol but that is because I wanted my answers as raw as possible.

When I was younger (early-mid 20’s), I wasn’t private with my personal life, but I think it was because it was something I didn’t really value, if that makes sense, or I was trying to make a point? I don’t know, but what I do know was there were also a lot of annoying “social media wars” which I just won’t miss and like to think I matured from…

I think the relationship I have is so precious, that I’d rather share it between just us… and maybe share a photo or two on Insta or Facebook but only on occasion. It’s not hiding the relationship or anything, but I think it’s easy for people to think they know someone’s entire life from just solely being online. Call me a pessimist, but I do believe that the majority of people do not have your best interests in mind, so be careful what you show in your private life in all aspects.

Before you get involved with the online world, whether it be starting a blog or even a social media outlet: Facebook or Instagram in particular, you should decide really what percentage you want to show. I would say I show about 25% of mine online and 75% of it I keep offline.

Think of your private life as a statue: The more you make public out of your private life, you are chipping away at it… Before you know it, you might chip away that entire statue and mutilate something that was once so beautiful. I urge you to treat it with the utmost care.

{ Nic Mora kisses & tells // Champagne at Shannons }

…On why you should have their own life:

{ NM }: I am the #1 advocator for everyone having their own life and not needing another person to complete it. I very much have created a life that I love, so if someone is not enhancing it and making it easier, there’s no point in spending time and energy.

I’ve seen so many young women who look for a man to make them happy or to complete them, and they’re doing a disservice to themselves. You need to be your own best friend first. You need to love yourself and be your own freaking warrior or number 1 fan before anyone else can come in and cheer with you.

The best relationships I’ve seen are women who can stand on their own, but when they stand with their man, they’re a force together – think Jay & Bey AKA my #RelationshipGoals besides my parents. Whoever I end up with will be the center of my world, no doubt about it, but he won’t be my entire world.

{ SLS }: I cannot say it enough, you must know your wants & needs, and yourself as a person. I am a strong advocate of NOT being 50% / 50%. Instead, have your own life 100%, and ensure your partner has their own life 100%, so together you are 200%.

You want to have more than a relationship, but a partnership. That partnership is only achieved if you have your life. It is a big reason why I focus on Power Couples, because they are both two individuals in a relationship, constantly developing from their relationship alone.

…Biggest lesson and advice learned from dating:

So many lessons! It’s SUPER important to date different kinds of people to see what you want and what works best with you.

My 3 biggest lessons:

1)   You attract what you are. If you’re attracting assholes, you need to take a step back and see what it is about you that is attracting that. I have dated a bunch of players who I considered assholes, but the reality is that I was kind of an asshole with an ego doing the exact same thing to other people that they were doing to me. You really have to do the work on yourself and be the best version of you to bring that into your life. The universe presents people to you as lessons, so pay attention!

2)   Stay true to yourself. If you’re changing for someone else’s wants and needs, then you’re not staying true to who YOU are. It’s a tricky situation for me because when I catch feelings (it’s an ongoing joke that I’m allergic to feelings!), I compromise a lot for the other person. However, you have to keep your values, wants, and needs close to you and not lose sight of that. Which brings me to my next lesson learned…

3)   Intentions are set in the beginning. People are usually clear with their intentions either verbally or based on how they’re treating you very early on. If they’re not, or you need clarification, ASK! You’re allowed after a few dates. And when someone tells you their true intentions, you need to listen and go into it knowing you won’t be the one changing their mind. Don’t let your ego convince you otherwise.

{ SLS }: Don’t fear commitment, it’s one of the best things in the world – hell, at the end of the day, it is why you are dating so you can find that partner. If someone you are dating does not commit to you & that is what you want, leave them. If someone wants to commit, and you are not ready, leave them. It is extremely important to be on the same level, constantly.

Actions speak louder than words, so try your best to make sure your words and actions are parallel with each other. If they aren’t, it is the quickest way for someone, or most likely both people, to get hurt.

Most importantly, get to truly know yourself, who you truly are & what your wants / needs are, before you start dating. If you do not know them, you might get molded into something you never knew you did not want which is very hard to recover from.

Wants can be superficial, and that is okay (for example, if you have a type, etc – shoutout to my tall, dark hair, blue eyes type)! That said, it is not the end of the world if your wants are not fulfilled, but needs are dealmakers or dealbreakers, and never, ever, ever go against your needs. Ever.

As Khaled would say, don’t EVER play yourself by going against your needs. #micdrop

{ shannon silver kisses and tells // champagne at shannons } { Nic Mora kisses & tells // Champagne at Shannons }

Happy Valentine’s Day, babes! Whether it’s with someone special, or the most special person in this world – YOURSELF!

I hope you enjoyed this post! I will admit, it was a bit out of my comfort zone, but I suppose that’s what made it so fun!

Now, let’s hear from you! Do you have any input on any of the answers, would love to hear your stories, experiences or advice! Were you able to relate to any of these answers? Spill in the comments!

Any Valentine’s plans? Who knows, I might take his ass to Red Lobster… but only if he’s lucky 😉

Kisses,
Shannon

{ Pics of me via // Pics of Nic via // Youtube video via }

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